Sex and Beyond: Saudi Arabia

This blog is blocked in Saudi Arabia. It is written by a Saudi professor. It has been hit by 173 countries worldwide. It has been translated into 7 languages.

Sex and Saudi v. Filipino


A non-Saudi reader of the blog has written to me her experience with Saudi Arabia. In her words:

I’m 30 years old and Filipino and I have met a Saudi guy two years younger than me in early 2010 in the city where I’m living at right now in the Philippines. My best friend met a Saudi guy online and when he came to visit her, a friend came with him. My friend asked me to drive them around town during the duration of their stay. And since my friend would be pre-occupied with her boyfriend, I would spend a lot of time talking to her bf’s friend. We immediately hit it off. During their three week stay here, he and I had gotten deeply attached to each other. When they went back to Saudi Arabia, we kept in touch through phone, Skype and Facebook. I have done some online research at this time about Saudi men and how it is the law for them to only marry Saudi girls. Yet, I could not stop myself from sinking deeper into the relationship. And he as well. We have had talks that it cannot be possible for us in the long run. Yet, a couple of months after we met, he flew here on his day-off to see me. The attraction was just so great we could not exactly explain it. He is a devout Muslim and he often confides what we are doing (being in a relationship and being intimate) is wrong but he cannot not listen to his heart. By mid-2010, we decided to part because there was no future for us. He told me being Filipino and being non-Muslim is a huge barrier. And that mostly, only Western women, Malaysians and Indonesians are considered fit as foreign wives. Added to that the factor of our age. He was only 25 at that time (while I was 27) and he says it was unacceptable for a man his age to marry someone older, not to mention the restriction I have recently read from a blog that a Saudi man needs to at least be 35 years of age for him to take a foreign wife. After we broke up, I decided to travel around Asia and I went for eight months. During this time, my Saudi guy and I still kept in touch sporadically. Previously, I had mentioned to him that I planned going back home to the Phils in six months time. I did not know that he also timed a one month vacation leave to coincide with my supposed arrival. But I extended my travels by two months and we missed each other by 2 days. But by this time (early 2011) I was already going out with somebody I met traveling and told him it was for the better. In late 2011, my bf that time and I broke up and a few days later I got a message from my Saudi guy that he would be coming to the Philippines. I did not tell him that I was already single. The truth was I was still not over him I knew I would just be asking for trouble if he and I would get back together because nothing has changed in his country; it would still be a futile relationship. But when we met again, the attraction was just beyond any rational thinking. Although this time I had wisened-up and did pretended that I was cool with his leaving though that was not the actual case. We still kept in touch with monthly chats or emails when he suddenly announced last month that he would be coming back to the country again. I was still not over him. But knew I should control whatever feelings I have for him to save myself. However, that was not the case. The attraction was still there and it was as intense as ever. When I say attraction I mean it in all aspects. We are so attuned to each other that even if I have dated other men before, nothing compares to what we have. We spent about a week together and during this time he made a revelation. It would be his last visit to the country because he had to seriously get over me for good. He told me that because he met me, he kept on postponing his marriage plans because it would be unfair to the future wife if I am still in his mind. He tried hard to get over me and went into depression. He told me that he cannot bear to take me away from a life that affords me the freedom that Saudi cannot give women. And that for me to live in Saudi, I would be treated as an outcast. We also both know that living outside Saudi is out of the question. He works for the [state] and he has duties to his family. He has accepted the fact that he may never meet someone who he can connect to as he can with me and now feels he is duty-bound to marry. It made me cry and cry to know that someone I love had to suffer this way because of a culture that dictated on the hearts of their people. And we are just helpless. You cannot tell anyone who to love. And that is something that needs to go away in Saudi. I am a liberal, a feminist and and pro-gay. I just cannot believe how messed-up SA is. Love has always been the greatest motivator for me and I feel so frustrated and upset that a man I love is subjected to an oppressive situation and that eventually he would have to settle down with someone he might never love. Though I wished him all the best, I am depressed over the thought that he might not have a happy ending. I am also quite angry at the fact that I couldn’t have my happy ending.

9 comments on “Sex and Saudi v. Filipino

  1. Just me
    September 8, 2013

    Im getting so tires of this That i cant just explain, i thinking all this stuff i love you for real but….my family,my religion, my country, and a big etc is a bunch of bad excuses, the problem here all this kind of relation start since the beggining with a lié because they know all of this since before they do the first step , they know they cant Get in touch even for friends with girls and this not from saudi this the best for muslim man in general, they know family Will never accept and they dont thinking the family of the girl Will be also hurt, what about her name or reputation? Doesnt matter right? When you have values and its not about religion , you attached yourself to those values and you Apply in all situations because if not u Are just hypocryt with yourself and with God starting something That Will make a lot of damage for Other person and family just to save yourself and pelea sure yourself , i Will like this blog is moré publico to make perplejo react and be awaremthat if you Get in volved with muslim person do it with whole ayes and heart open and to make family there and man there they are not Boeing sleeing any moré as the por víctima Who cant right for his love, love is there with couples Who daily fight for her partner and im sure they would do really everything for the love one because i have seen

  2. Just me
    September 8, 2013

    I may apologize for the wrong spelling of some words but i wrote fast from Mobile and i have predictivo text

  3. whoaa
    September 8, 2013

    First of all when a man tells you that your relationship can’t last long term listen to him because he’s telling you the truth. When he tells you he’s “not ready to engage” he forget to add “with a girl like you”.

    I personnally don’t think any good of this relationship, it makes me feel like he just want someone to sleep with and spend time on his free times (weekends, vacations…) until he marries.

    Plus being a Filipino if you marry him prepare yourself to be mistaken for his maid.

    “I am a liberal, a feminist and and pro-gay.”hhh OMG don’t EVER go to Saudi Arabia LOOOL.

    Please preserve yourself and stop this relationship, he will surely never marry you or if he does then you might never get respect from him or his family (filipino, plus several boyfriends, not muslim, sex before marriage…) I don’t judge you but to a saudi perspective it doesn’t predict any good.

    In addition to that, it lasts since too long, if he wanted to marry you he would have already done it. He doesn’t miss an occasion to tell you that it won’t last so TRUST him, he might just want to give you the occasion to end the relationship on your own so he won’t have culpability (to make you hope and suffer).

    And don’t loose any sleep, he will surely be very happy in his marriage, it’s not beautiful or good girls that miss out there.

    Trust me, let him go, respect yourself, find a nice filipino man, marry him and be happy with your kids, and you will have your happy ending, it’s not good men that miss out there too.

  4. Anonymous
    September 8, 2013

    Whoaa, “he will surely be very happy in his marriage, it’s not beautiful or good girls that miss out there”: very superficial remark. Typical of a Muslim who is much in favour of arranged marriages. Grow up, little lady! Life is far more complicated.

  5. clary888
    September 10, 2013

    Thank you very much to WHOAA for giving us non-Saudis the real reason why Saudi is centuries behind. I’m sure all of you have heard of the pop song celebrating women as rulers of the world. “Who run the world? Girls.” That’s right, its us women who raise the men and mold them into the men we want them to be. If the women in Saudi continue to exist with Whoaa’s mentality, then I don’t think there’s ever hope for Saudi. And Whoaa, maybe you also need to check some books celebrating Muslim feminists and maybe you will learn something about reality from them because apparently, even with the Internet giving you the opportunity to see and communicate with people of all cultures and all, you still live in your own little bubble. So yes, please grow up.

    Also, Just Me and Whoaa, I don’t think you have fully appreciated the facts in the post. Both of you have condemned and judged the Filipino because she had a relationship with a Muslim Saudi. I mean, seriously, xenophobia much? They already broke-up, which is the main point here. This is mainly a rant about how culture breaks relationships apart. What I see here is that love had allowed people from two different worlds meet, sadly, one chose his culture and tradition over love. It doesn’t mean though that the love was never real.

  6. Fickle
    September 11, 2013

    I am curious: why is it not acceptable for a younger man to marry an older woman? Is it unacceptable or simply uncommon?

  7. j
    September 12, 2013

    can we please go back up to the begining of the whole story. where she says her friend’s saudi bf is coming to town and she just needed her to entertain him while she is preoccupied with the other saudi friend..ok, now we have the picture here.her friend is a sex friend to the saudi. and she became one too. does she not talk about her friend being, she does not. she only talks about herself and how she is so naive or at least makes you think she is. believe me philipinas are looking for the better. her other bf most likely broke up with her and that is why she is still hooked on any past relationships, saudi or american. they love military guys.big time. they come from low income and always looking for the better. we have them her hanging on the older military men and they are very young. but whatever. so, she goes on ranting bad about this saudi that she knew was not going to ever marry her, because she forgot to mention her friend already has experience with the saudi men. and they arent marrying her either. and she for gets to mention the fact that she tried so hard to win his heart with the wild sex that the girls play on guys before marriage, and then turn into bitches and demanding. i know i live around them. tricks, and cheating.. that saudi is gone and good for him. he is better to marry saudi or anyone else. not the pinas.

    • whoaa
      September 12, 2013


  8. Anonymous
    September 12, 2013

    Wow! There’s three people in this article who look like they’re competing for the title of the most bigoted and muddled commenters on the site. Its hard to choose which one is The Most Awful.

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